I recently started freelancing/interning for a local publishing company. This = AWESOME. The problem is that I'm writing about NC history (which I know ZERO about) for middle schoolers (which I relate ZERO to). I need to have a story written (about 6-8 pages) about the Revolutionary War by tomorrow. Right now I have maybe 1 1/2 written. Maybe. If I up the font to 16. And, go figure, today I'm feeling more lost than usual.
Cracker Barrel, while I don't mind working there, has really begun to steal my soul one god-awful Grascal song at a time. I've been moving displays and checking SKU numbers like its my job (which it kinda is) for the past three days straight from 7 in the morning until 2 in the afternoon. Oh, and I've mopped up old lady piss too. And that was after spilling the mop bucket all over the restaurant because of some imaginary lip in the floor that decided to pop up to ruin my Tuesday. I've sold chocolate scented bears to people under the pretense that you should cuddle it when you have a food craving and it will keep you from wanting to snack on chocolate. How this makes sense, I'm not quite sure. But it has been working. A lot more than I feel comfortable disclosing.
But getting back to the point- I've been feeling lost lately and I feel like it's all culminated into this morning's self-esteem implosion. I'm not a kids writer. I use words like "culminated" in everyday speech. I write metaphorically with symbolism and depth. Not "Susie knew that history was super boring, but since Ryan thought it was cool, she decided to play along since he is sooooo cute." I know I'll write the story. And I know it will end up being what the publisher wants. But I don't want to lose my ability to write for adults. I don't want to dumb down my writing to the point that I dumb down myself. That shit can happen. For real. And that's scarier than the streets of Pittsburgh after the Steelers lose a game. Never been in Pittsburgh after a loss? Neither have I. You know why? Because I value my life.
All I want to do is cuddle up on the couch and play WoW like the nerd I am. I also want to watch the next episode of Heroes on Netflix (that show is strangely addictive). I wouldn't even mind breaking out my old binders and cleaning up some old poems or writing some new stuff. Or maybe I'll just write another blog about the Cracker Barrel purse snatcher. Or maybe about my uncanny ability to eat chocolate cake while playing the wii fit.
Instead I will end this for now and start writing to preteens about NC's part in the Revolutionary War. Super awesome guys. I, like, totally can't wait.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Only, instead of Cracker Barrel pee, I have to go through notarized letters that say "I is requesting..." or have daily interactions with people who use double negatives. And we're both doing jobs that, while they are jobs and we're glad we have them, suck our soul. That's all my blog is about. Solidarity!
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