Squirrels in the Ceiling

I just discovered lastfm and I can't even listen to it.
There are squirrels in my ceiling.
And they are playing tag.
And hissing.
I didn't even know squirrels could hiss.
Their little feet don't even pitter patter like you would think.
No.
They thump thump thump.
Like giant radioactive squirrels.
Even if I hit the ceiling with the blunt end of our shopvac, they continue to scurry and thump.
I'm not sure how they're getting into our ceiling, but every once in a while I see them hop from the vicinity of our roof to the trees nearby.
Oh god.
I think they're killing each other.
I have this image of squirrels in battle armor jousting with branches above my head.
Battle cries and all.
Or maybe they're just mating.

Screw you, internet ad generator!

I just viewed my blog. There are two colorful ads on it:

"Hate Your Job? Go Back to School!"
and
"FREE COUPONS FOR FOOD"

What exactly does that say about me and my blog? That I hate my job and am obsessed with food?

While I will obviously concede to the job thing at times, I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WRITING ABOUT FOOD. Why does it assume that I am a food-aholic when it has no reason to? It doesn't matter that it's computer generated assumptions are right, I just want to know HOW it knows.

Stupid Internet.

Story Time Part 2

Yay for getting out stress in vent sessions on the internet to everyone in the world who has access to a computer! Awesome.
But now for something a little more interesting than venting.
I've been recently hung up on a story idea. I have two of the characters solidly worked out. I know of three other characters that will be equally important but I haven't quite "met" them yet in my head. There's still a long way to go. But I'm thinking about writing it out on here. At first I thought maybe for feedback, but really it's just so I can get it out of my head and onto some tangible medium. I would just do it in Word, but Word is so stark and depressing to look at. This has blue and orange and awesomeness all over it whilst I'm typing which is rather stimulating and doesn't seem to cage me in as much. While formatting on here is a bit more difficult, I think it's worth it. So back to the point. I think I'm going to start writing bits of the story on here. These bits will be subject to change. I'll be switching points of view with each chapter so I feel like this would be a good way to get it out.
Let's just hope I don't chicken out.

Story Time Part 1

So first of all I feel the need to let out my second day working with glasses, the people that sell them, and that people that wear them.
It was nuts.
I started out just shadowing for the day. This was fine. Then around lunch time I think I actually became the lunch. I was fed to the sharks. And left to die.
Luckily, I remember a decent amount and did not feel badly about bugging the crap out of my fellow eyewear sellers. For some reason, I already have been given a commission amount that I am supposed to reach daily (even though I thought I was just supposed to be shadowing for the next week or so). How this makes sense, I haven't quite figured out. I go back in today, 11-7, and I'm not sure what to expect. I'm worried about falling short but at the same time, I feel like they can't blame me for it as they literally just threw me out there with little to no experience. I'm glad they have faith in my ability, but I certainly do not have the same enthusiasm that they do. Oh well. Perhaps today will be a little slower and they will go back to letting me shadow and train rather than do it all by myself. We'll see. It's a Tuesday so I can't imagine too many people coming in. But if I apply that same reasoning, then Monday shouldn't have been so dang busy either. Hmmm. I feel a long day coming on...

And Now For Something Different...

Back to Lens Crafters I go. First day was pretty good. I'm still worried about flying solo. There's just so much to remember! My measly little unworked brain isn't sure it's able to handle all the information! It all seems fairly straightforward, I just know that I'm going to make some huge mistake and then it's going to be bad. Like, VERY bad. Like, THE EARTH IS NOW ON FIRE BECAUSE I MESSED UP YOUR PRESCRIPTION bad. People tend to be very... enthusiastic about their glasses. We had both extremes on what I'm now calling my enthused spectrum yesterday. One lady came in expecting 4 pairs of glasses to be done when only 2 were complete. When this bit of information was passed on to her, not only did her face turn red as a lobster in a boiling pot of water, but it began an interesting tension war throughout the entire store. Mainly because there was another person who was also in at the same time that was IN LOVE with his new glasses. I'm talking walk down the aisle in love. He literally was yelling at the manager about how AWESOME his new frames were and how much he LOVED this store and the people in it and how he would ALWAYS come here for glasses from now on. This would have been awesome if our manager wasn't also getting yelled at for our EXTREME incompetence and TOTAL lack of intelligent employees. NOTICE how I am capitalizing EVERY AWESOME ADJECTIVE AND VERB?!?! I just wanted to make sure you were paying attention. But really- it was a good first day back but goodness gracious did I get a reminder of the good and bad that come with it. I was just waiting for the two customers to start going at it. I can see it now:
Lobster Lady: I HATE THIS STORE!
Happy Coffee-Cracked Man: I LOVE THIS STORE!
LL: THEY SUCK HERE!
HCCM: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! HAHAHAHA! But no, really, THEY ROCK HERE!
LL: MY LIFE SUCKS AND I BLAME IT ON THEIR INCOMPETENCE!
HCCM: MY LIFE SUCKS TOO! BUT NOW I CAN SEE IT SUCKING MUCH CLEARER AND THAT IS AWESOME!
LL: GO TO HELL.
HCCM: NO THANK YOU! HAVE A F*ING FANTASTIC DAY MA'AM! YEAAHHHHH!
I don't know where that came from. But it happened and now I can move on. Bottomline- yesterday went okay and I'm hoping today goes well, too. Otherwise I will be at work for 8 hours and hating life. Which is unacceptable.
Also, my internship still hasn't gotten back to me. I have to work tomorrow during their meeting so I have no clue what she wants me to do about it. So yep. I'm just not gonna care. Awesome.

Fiance's Office Is In Antarctica.

I'm sitting in Alex's office. I have been here for almost 4 hours now. While the chair is comfy and the quiet is nice, I have one complaint.
It's fracking freezing in here.
I only have my jacket for warmth. And it's a rather large jacket. Yet I am still freezing. So much so that I'm surprised I can still type as I haven't felt the tips of my fingers for almost a half an hour now. I've been keeping an eye on which body parts are claimed and when. My feet were lost about an hour ago. The icy chill is slowly creeping up my legs. My ears are nonexistent and I'm pretty sure it is the work of a miracle from Jesus himself that my hands still seem to be fully functional. Or perhaps it's just sense memory at work. Who knows? Who cares? I sure don't! Wanna know why? BECAUSE I AM FREEZING.
My computer only has 23 minutes left on its battery. I feel like this extreme cold has taken its toll on my lovely new piece of technology as well. The cold is zapping the energy straight from the battery and using said energy to create more cold.
Bottomline, it has been sunny and 60 degrees all week down here in North Carolina. I have bragged to many a Marylander about the wonder that is the southern climate. Yet here I sit. Afraid to move for fear of using too much energy that should only be used in heat generation. I am in Antarctica.

Maureen

One day I will play the role of Maureen. I will sing Take Me or Leave Me. I will sing Over the Moon. I will play myself on stage. Someone who thinks she knows herself but is only lost. A lost soul yearning to be found. Yet scared of someone recognizing her true self. She longs to be noticed but hates any attention that gets too close to the truth of her. She is in control of her pieces as they fall apart and come together. I will play someone who is so much like me. I will remember those moments from life that I never want to remember. I will be vulnerable on a stage in front of people I will never meet. I will break the walls down and watch as they fall away around me. I will grow and thrive in my soul. And people will witness this reformation without knowing. They will only see Maureen. Not a lost little girl finding herself. One day. Oh, one day. I only hope that one day isn't too terribly far away.
Theatre has always been a part of me. A part of my very being and essence. I need it to survive. Being without it for so long only makes my yearning stronger. It's a pulling sensation that almost rips me from the inside out. Being on a stage. It's all about being on a stage. Being there to help create something that will never happen again. Moments that will attempted to recreate by those who don't understand the art. Every night should be different. Every night is new. Fresh. A new reformation of truth on the stage and within yourself. It's cathartic. It's beautiful. It's necessary for life. And a huge part of me is dying every day that I am without it.
One day.
Oh, one day.

Super Bowl

I love watching the Super Bowl. It's one of my favorite things to look forward to for a few reasons.
1) Let's be honest, it's ALL about the commercials. And watching Roseanne get flattened by a log for Pepsi Max was amazing.
2) Listening to Alex impersonate John Madden. Best Quote of the Night: "Gahh I'm so drunk. I wanna make out with Brett Favre."
3) I actually love football. I'm always too busy to watch it every weekend (read "i forget about watching it") but I thoroughly get into the game. I'm one of those people who jump off the couch and squeal things like "WHAT?!?! DID YOU SEE THAT?! THAT WAS FUCKING SWEET!"
4) I love watching the half time show. And I adore making fun of it if it sucks.

This is where I am going to leave my list about the Super Bowl and begin a new list about the... umm... "show" presented by the Black Eyed Peas.
1) The Black Eyed Peas are good on the radio. They should stay there.
2) Whoever was working their sound must have gone into some kind of epileptic fit during the LED show because their mic and music levels were ALL OVER THE PLACE.
3) I also tip my hat to the sound guy for very rarely making us suffer through Fergie's vocal... eccentricities.
4) Axl Rose is still alive. No one but Axl Rose should sing Sweet Child O' Mine. No one. ESPECIALLY NOT FERGIE. I think my ears bled. And I'm sure Axl just wondered what on earth happened to real music.
5) I will admit, their LED work was pretty. But that doesn't excuse the cacophony of sounds that they were emitting without any concern for the millions of people watching this game.
6) I have decided that if someone shot Fergie, I would be okay with it.
7) Will. I. Am was so auto-tuned that I am now convinced he is a robot from outspace.
8) What is the point of the other two Black Eyed Peas? I could see no point. One is ethnic of some nature so I guess that's his contribution. But the other guy... well... he just had weird hair. And that's cool but doesn't seem worth that much.
9) I'm still in shock of Slash. I love him. He is phenomenal. But he just sold out. Big time. DURING THE SUPER BOWL. Well, if you gotta go out, I guess going big works.
10) Usher was disappointing. But his split was badass. No kids for you, sir. But it was worth it. It was honestly the high point of the whole thing.

I shall now go back to watching the game. I have been raised in a home that roots for the Steelers. But I have lived the past 4 years in Baltimore and the Steelers totally kicked the asses of the entire Ravens team. I'm talking total rapage of Flacco. And Alex is from Baltimore so I feel the need to root against the Steelers. Either way, I'm kind of okay with whoever wins- no matter how blasphemous that sounds.

*Side Note: WHAT IS JUSTIN BEIBER AND OZZY OSBOURNE DOING IN THE SAME COMMERCIAL?!?!?! Wait... they just saved it for announcing that Beiber looks like a girl. I can concede to this.

and you go where the money goes

so i'm quitting cracker barrel and going back to lenscrafters. yep. no more cleaning up old lady pee. or super early mornings. or heavy lifting. so there will be a slight change in my routine which i'm rather looking forward to. i'm a little sad to leave the people there that i've enjoyed working with, but the wages i'm being offered are just too good to turn down. and i kinda miss working with those guys. the staff was awesome and i really enjoyed working with all of them. so i really think it will be nice to go back and work with them again. :) so here is a haiku for cracker barrel:

barrel of crackers,
i've enjoyed the times we've had.
it's been fun. deuces.

and one for lenscrafters:

left you once before
but i'm back now to help sell
your sight enhancers.

yep. haikus are awesome. one of the simple joys of life, really. thank you kelly fuller for reminding me of that fact. :)

Endgame.

sometimes i wish we could just grab a hold of life and throw it out the window. hold on to each other tightly and fly away. start over. never wonder about the past because there is no past. just now and the future. start over completely. fresh. clean. no worries or pretenses. just shiny and new. i would like that.

I Need To Feel The Spotlight

now.

Cat Power on my iTunes

piano keys
black and white
plucking the strings that remind me of home
always ending too soon
leave me wanting
wanting
wanting
missing the calm and the serene
the voice in my heart flutters
it wants to be heard
it wants to sing
i found a reason
tune into the radio in my head
listen to the rhythm
believe in the music
know the truth of me
better run while you can