Tuesday, November 16, 2010
The Future is Uncertain
Unfortunately, this isn't going to be one of the funny life story blogs. This one is a bit more philosophical and, honestly, I'm writing it to get the words out of my head. I have no idea what I want to do in the future. I want to teach. I want to learn. I want to edit. I want to write. I want to act. I want to collaborate. I want to create. And I have no idea how to do all of that without sacrificing anything else. Fiance has his plan set out and is making the steps forward every day. I, on the other hand, am a little worse for wear. I went to school because I have a passion for literature and theatre. I don't want to compromise my passions just to have a job that pays the bills. Yet here I am. Doing just that. I know it is hard to find a job that will both pay well AND be a career rather than a day job, but that is what I want. Maybe I'm still too young and jaded for thinking that that is possible. I'm not sure. But I would give just about anything for that to happen. I don't want to be another cog in the machine. I want to be great. I keep getting told that I'm too naive in my plans to become a teacher. But I mean it when I say that I want to teach. I want to give this gift to students who may not have ever known it existed. I want them to have dreams. And I don't want to take those dreams away from them. I want to push them to discover themselves in ways that I was not pushed. I know that we all have times where we're simply flailing around without anything to grab onto. I know that life rarely turns out exactly the way we wish it to. But here I am, hoping and wishing that it will be different for fiance and I. That we will make it through without compromising. That we will attain all those dreams. I'm too optimistic to admit that things may not turn out the way we want it to. And I'm honestly afraid of that moment when I will be forced to admit that there is no happy ending as far as my dream career is concerned.
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Never give up on your dreams. You have an amazing talent and there will always be people who tell you that its impossible but they are just corporate consumerist drones. You are an artist and if you want to teach, teach let your voice be heard. Even if people say you are childish and jaded to believe that you can have a career that makes you happy, don't take that as your fault, its the person trying to belittle you. So many people give up on their dreams because they think they must. You never need to, if you always push and know that in your heart you were meant to do something you will. I love you and your fiancée to death, I have never met two more talented people. I understand how you feel right now struggling for money and wanting so badly to do what you want as a career. The simple truth is if you let the fear of money weigh you down you will get stuck as a cog in the machine. Its hard not having money and struggling to maintain a dream but it is possible. Don't give up my love. You are amazing! with all my heart from one kid lost in the neverland to another.
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